Is it me you’re looking for?

You were drunk, but I’m the one who can’t remember.

Back in 7th grade, you were the star kid all the girls had a crush on, and I was the smart girl who had her own group of geek friends and like all high-school movies, we were forcibly made partners but where it went wrong was you shifted schools the next year and we left it there, at constantly annoying and being annoyed at each other. We weren’t given a second chance at this. Until 4 months ago.

You were in town and alone, and it had been 7 years since we saw each other and I had enough time to get over you. We had dinner that night and I sat through it wearing you shirt because I got caught in the rain on the way over. As the DJ in there looked at smiled at me, I remember you telling me you thought I was beautiful. We talked about people we were dating. You had a girlfriend, a steady one of two years, (and somewhere along you weren’t sure you loved her, I thought) and I was kissing people who didn’t make me feel like a bore. The things we do to feel alive.

A couple of nights, after 4 hours of drinking, you left me a text saying you missed me. That you wish I was with you that night, and I know what it’s like to be lost in a crowd and I missed you too. You called up and we spoke for two hours that night. We never really brought your girlfriend up, other than the one time you said you wanted to kiss me. and you said ‘Hell with her.’, and the thing is, you were drunk and I was sleepless because you called me up at 2 a.m. and woke me, I can’t remember if I dreamt that or you said it.

I remember you singing ‘Hello’ to me, and how my heart skipped a beat when you said ‘I love you’ and the number of times you said you missed me. I remember you asked me to stay with you, there, forever. One chance, you asked for, right? and that we could shut out the world and be together forever? Your words, not mine.

You told your friends I was crying because they wouldn’t let you talk to me otherwise and I remember you laughing at how gullible they were. I never really missed the sound of your laugh because we spent all of school fighting, but I know that I love hearing it.

Over the last two nights, I’m getting used to that, the sound of you laughing, and being woken up in the middle of the night because someone misses me that much, being told those many times that the future is good, and having someone sing songs to me in the middle of the night. You don’t know how intoxicating that can be in itself.

Last night, before you even said ‘hello’, you sang ‘All of Me’ to me, and I don’t even know if you were drunk then. It was 7 p.m.

I know I’m not obliged to give love to everyone who wants it, but tell me if you do, and tell her too. Because one of us is going to have a hard time listening to these songs again, and the boys that sing them.

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