The Drive.

If there can be things such as falling in love too soon and too often, I am it. I will fall in love with the randomest of things and people, and I will flee when the idea of commitment comes up.

I’ve been writing about this boy, who’s been making me feel like a 15 year old drawing hearts on her notebook, and I think that’s only because we hardly talk, and because I don’t know who he is and I can make him as perfect as I like.

But I know, he’s quiet. So am I, but he’s more so. and it makes it super hard but in some ways I like it, I like the hopeless, the unedited ‘Say something’ that happens every few minutes and how we’d look away as soon as we say it. I hate it when we’re together, but I like it now. I like the way he reminds me it’s been 10 seconds of silence, and somehow I have to break it.

and I like the way he laughs, with crinkles by his eyes, I can’t really see him smile because of the beard, but he has a nice laugh, the kind that makes me smile as soon as he does.

We went on a ride the day before and nothing came naturally to us, it was new and I don’t know if it was awkward but I put my arms around him and rested my head on his back and I don’t remember it feeling natural. I took it off, and he asked me why. Honestly, I don’t know what we’re doing, he and I.

But I know I like it when he invites me to drink and hang with his friends, and I know I can talk about anything to him. I like the way he laughs, and how I can feel it right in his stomach when my hands are around him.

We haven’t talked in about two days, and I feel no amount of anxiety about it, and I suppose that’s the best and worst part of it all.

Can someone tell me what I want from this guy, or what we’re doing. Please.


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